THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS
Part One
The Question That Changed My Life: “Who Am I?”
There are moments in life that divide our story into a before and an after.
For me, one of those moments came in 2016.
While studying the Urantia Book, mystical writings, Gnostic literature, and many other spiritual traditions, I began keeping handwritten notebooks. Looking back today, I realize these pages were not simply notes—they were the record of a soul searching for its place in the universe.
Some readers may agree with my conclusions. Others may disagree completely. That is perfectly acceptable.
This series is not about asking anyone to believe exactly what I believed.
It is about sharing the questions that shaped my life.
The greatest question of all was surprisingly simple.
Who am I?
Most people spend their lives answering practical questions.
What career should I have?
Who should I marry?
Where should I live?
How can I survive?
Mysticism begins with a different question altogether.
Who is the one asking those questions?
For thousands of years this question has echoed through humanity.
The Delphic temple carried the inscription:
“Know Thyself.”
Jesus asked,
“Who do men say that I am?”
The Upanishads ask what remains when everything temporary is stripped away.
The Gnostics searched for the divine spark hidden within humanity.
Carl Jung spent his life exploring the hidden Self beneath the ordinary personality.
Different traditions used different languages, but they were all pointing toward an ancient mystery.
When I wrote my notebooks in 2016, I tried to answer that mystery using the symbolic language I knew at the time.
My writings blended ideas from:
- The Urantia Book
- Swedenborg
- Gnostic writings
- Christian mysticism
- Esoteric philosophy
- Personal spiritual experiences
Looking back years later, I can see that I wasn’t simply trying to discover information.
I was trying to discover identity.
Identity is one of the deepest human needs.
When we lose our identity, life becomes confusing.
When we find an identity that gives life meaning, everything begins to change.
Reading my notebooks today, I notice something interesting.
The language is incredibly bold.
It speaks about Michael.
It speaks about Paradise.
It speaks about the Universal Father.
It speaks about “All Is One.”
Today I don’t read every sentence the same way I did in 2016.
Instead of asking,
“Is every sentence literally true?”
I now ask,
“What truth was my soul trying to express?”
That question has become far more valuable to me.
One thing I have learned is that symbols are not lies.
Symbols are another language.
A dream speaks through symbols.
A myth speaks through symbols.
The Book of Revelation speaks through symbols.
Ancient Egypt spoke through symbols.
Even our unconscious mind communicates through symbols.
Perhaps some of the greatest spiritual mistakes happen when we confuse symbolic language with literal language.
As I continue reading these notebooks, I realize that they document a genuine search.
They record my hopes.
My fears.
My questions.
My longing to understand God.
Whether every conclusion was correct is no longer the point.
The search itself was real.
The desire for Truth was real.
The longing to know God was real.
Today I am still searching.
But I search differently.
Instead of trying to force every tradition into one final answer, I enjoy comparing them.
I ask questions.
I look for patterns.
I appreciate differences.
I allow mystery to remain mystery.
Ironically, that has brought me closer to peace than believing I had already solved every mystery in the universe.
These notebooks remain precious to me.
Not because they prove anything.
But because they remind me that every sincere seeker must travel through uncertainty before finding deeper understanding.
Perhaps the greatest spiritual discovery is not becoming someone else.
Perhaps it is slowly discovering who we have always been.
The journey continues…
— Michael Cook
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry
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