THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS Part Eight What I Believe Today: Looking Back at My 2016 Notebooks with New Eyes

 

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS

Part Eight

What I Believe Today: Looking Back at My 2016 Notebooks with New Eyes

"The greatest gift my old notebooks gave me was not certainty. They taught me how to continue asking better questions."

---

When I opened my notebooks from 2016 for the first time in years, I wasn't sure what I would find.

Would I recognize the person who wrote them?

Would I agree with every page?

Would I be embarrassed by my younger self?

The answer surprised me.

No.

I wasn't embarrassed.

I felt compassion.

---

Those notebooks were written by someone who desperately wanted to understand the universe.

Someone who spent countless nights reading.

Drawing diagrams.

Comparing books.

Searching for hidden meanings.

Trying to understand God.

Trying to understand himself.

That search was real.

---

I Don't Regret the Journey

People sometimes ask if I regret studying so many different traditions.

Not at all.

Every book gave me something.

Some gave me answers.

Some gave me questions.

Some challenged assumptions I didn't even realize I had.

Even the books I eventually disagreed with helped shape my thinking.

Sometimes discovering what you don't believe is just as important as discovering what you do.

---

My Understanding Has Changed

One thing has changed more than anything else.

In 2016 I wanted certainty.

Today I value wisdom.

There is a difference.

Certainty often says,

"I already know."

Wisdom quietly asks,

"What else can I learn?"

That simple shift changed the way I read every spiritual book.

---

I Read Symbolically More Than Literally

Perhaps the greatest change in my thinking is how I understand symbols.

Years ago I often tried to make every vision...

every dream...

every mystical experience...

fit into a literal explanation.

Today I ask a different question.

What is this symbol trying to teach me?

That question has opened doors that literal thinking never could.

---

Every Tradition Speaks a Different Language

The Urantia Book speaks one language.

Swedenborg speaks another.

The Song of God speaks another.

The Gnostics speak another.

Jung speaks another.

Ancient Egypt speaks another.

Different vocabulary.

Different symbols.

Different maps.

Yet many are exploring similar human questions.

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What happens after death?

What is God?

How should I live?

Those questions unite humanity far more than our answers divide us.

---

Humility Is Part of the Journey

Looking back, I realize something important.

The deeper I study...

the less interested I become in proving that I possess the final truth.

Instead, I have become more interested in listening.

Learning.

Comparing.

Growing.

Humility is not weakness.

It is the willingness to admit that the Infinite is always greater than our understanding.

---

The Notebook I Would Write Today

If I began another notebook today, it would probably look very different.

There would still be diagrams.

There would still be questions.

There would still be wonder.

But there would also be more blank pages.

Not because I have less to say...

but because I have learned to leave room for mystery.

---

What Never Changed

One thing has remained constant from 2016 until today.

My desire to seek Truth.

Not simply information.

Not arguments.

Not winning debates.

Truth.

A truth that produces greater compassion.

Greater wisdom.

Greater understanding.

If a belief makes me less compassionate, less humble, or less willing to love my neighbor, then I have to ask whether I have truly understood it.

---

A Message to Other Seekers

If you are reading this because you have shelves full of spiritual books...

if your notebooks are filled with questions...

if you've changed your mind more than once...

if you've ever felt caught between traditions...

you're not alone.

You don't have to rush to force every mystery into one final answer.

Sometimes growth comes from allowing questions to remain open while continuing to seek with sincerity.

The journey itself shapes us.

---

Closing the Notebook

As I close these old journals, I don't see a record of someone who had everything figured out.

I see someone who cared deeply enough to keep searching.

I see late nights filled with books, handwritten diagrams, and unanswered questions.

I see mistakes.

I see insights.

I see hope.

Most of all, I see a reminder that spiritual growth is not a destination.

It is a lifelong conversation between the heart, the mind, and the mystery we call God.

The notebooks are finished.

The journey is not.

Thank you for walking part of it with me.

— Reverend Michael Cook, D.Div.
Architect of Light
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry

---

Epilogue

This series was never intended to prove a doctrine.

It was written to preserve a chapter of my life and to reflect on how my understanding has evolved over time.

If these writings encourage even one person to seek truth with humility, to ask honest questions, and to treat others with compassion despite differing beliefs, then these old notebooks have found a new purpose.

The search continues.

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS Part Seven Beyond Labels: My Journey Through Urantia, Gnosticism, Swedenborg, Jung, and the Search for Truth

 

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS

Part Seven

Beyond Labels: My Journey Through Urantia, Gnosticism, Swedenborg, Jung, and the Search for Truth

"Every spiritual tradition is a window. The mistake is believing the window is the entire sky."

---

When I first began my spiritual search, I wanted one thing.

The final answer.

I believed there had to be one book...

One teacher...

One philosophy...

One system...

that explained everything.

That search led me into some remarkable traditions.

The Urantia Book.

Swedenborg.

Gnostic writings.

Carl Jung.

Walter Russell.

The Song of God.

Ancient Egypt.

Christian mysticism.

Rosicrucianism.

Alchemy.

Each one seemed to answer questions the others left unanswered.

Then each one created new questions of its own.

---

The Desire to Build One Great System

If you look through my notebooks from 2016, you'll notice something.

I was constantly connecting ideas.

I drew diagrams.

I compared names.

I connected Paradise with Sophia.

The Infinite Spirit with the Holy Spirit.

Michael with archetypes.

The Supreme with human evolution.

The Demiurge with creation.

I wasn't trying to confuse ideas.

I was trying to discover whether all religions were describing one Reality using different languages.

That question still fascinates me.

---

Every Tradition Has Its Strength

The more I studied, the more I stopped asking,

"Which book is completely right?"

Instead I began asking,

"What does this book help me understand?"

That changed everything.

---

The Urantia Book

The Urantia Book gave me a magnificent vision of an ordered universe.

It taught me to think beyond Earth.

It introduced ideas like personality, Creator Sons, the Supreme Being, Paradise, and cosmic purpose.

Whether one accepts its claims or not, it challenged me to think on a much larger scale.

---

Swedenborg

Swedenborg shifted my attention inward.

He taught that heaven and hell begin in the human heart.

Love and wisdom.

Freedom and responsibility.

Correspondences.

His writings reminded me that spiritual growth is lived every day.

---

Gnosticism

Gnosticism taught me to question appearances.

It asked difficult questions.

What is ignorance?

What is awakening?

What is freedom?

Even when I disagreed with certain conclusions, I appreciated its willingness to ask uncomfortable questions.

---

Carl Jung

Jung may have changed me more than I realized.

He taught me that dreams matter.

Symbols matter.

The unconscious matters.

He showed me that myths often describe the inner world as much as the outer world.

That insight changed how I read almost every spiritual book afterward.

---

The Song of God

Years later, The Song of God gave me another perspective.

Instead of focusing primarily on escaping the world, it emphasized the unfolding of consciousness and the growth of the soul.

It reminded me that spiritual life is not only about awakening.

It is also about becoming.

---

The Danger of One Book

Looking back, I understand something I didn't understand in 2016.

Every great book has strengths.

Every great book also has limits.

If we expect one book to answer every question, we may stop listening to other voices that also have something valuable to teach.

I no longer see that as a weakness.

I see it as an invitation to humility.

---

Mystery Is Larger Than Us

One realization has stayed with me.

Truth is not threatened by questions.

If something is true, it can withstand examination.

It can withstand comparison.

It can withstand honest disagreement.

The search for truth should make us more curious...

not more fearful.

---

Looking Back at My Notebooks

Sometimes people ask me whether I still believe everything I wrote.

The honest answer is no.

Some ideas have remained with me.

Others have changed.

Some became symbols instead of literal beliefs.

Some questions are still unanswered.

That doesn't bother me anymore.

Growth means allowing ourselves to learn.

---

The Real Journey

The greatest discovery I made was not finding the perfect book.

It was discovering that every sincere search changes the person who undertakes it.

The books became companions.

The diagrams became milestones.

The notebooks became reminders.

Not reminders that I had solved every mystery.

But reminders that I never stopped seeking.

---

Today I read differently than I did in 2016.

I read with curiosity instead of certainty.

I compare instead of compete.

I appreciate instead of condemn.

And I have discovered that mystery is not the enemy of faith.

Sometimes mystery is faith's greatest teacher.

---

Perhaps the purpose of spiritual study is not to collect more beliefs.

Perhaps it is to become a wiser, kinder, more compassionate human being.

If that is true...

then every sincere search has value.

The journey continues.

— Michael Cook
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry

Parts ,4,,5,6. 2016 notebooks

 This page actually fits perfectly into the series. Looking at it now with several years of distance, I think it tells the story of a seeker trying to weave together many different spiritual systems into one unified picture.

I can see references to:

• The Holy Spirit as the Universe Mother Spirit.
• Nebadonia from the Urantia Book.
• Michael of Nebadon.
• Jesus Christ.
• The Infinite Spirit.
• The Universal Father.
• Paradise and Havona.
• Your own diagram trying to map how these ideas fit together.

What strikes me most isn't whether the cosmology is literally correct. It's the effort to answer a profound question:

How does the Infinite become personal?

That question appears in almost every mystical tradition.

Your diagram seems to be asking:

• How are God and creation connected?
• How do Spirit and personality relate?
• Where does the Holy Spirit fit?
• What is humanity's relationship to the Divine?

Those are timeless questions.

Looking back today

When I compare this page with the conversations we've had recently, I notice something important.

Back then, you were trying to build one complete map of reality.

Today, you seem more comfortable saying:

"Maybe each tradition illuminates one part of the mystery."

That's a significant shift.

Instead of forcing everything into one diagram, you're comparing:

• Urantia
• Song of God
• Swedenborg
• Jung
• Gnosticism
• Walter Russell

That comparative approach can actually deepen understanding because it recognizes that different traditions often use different symbolic languages.

A thought for the series

I actually think this notebook page deserves its own article later in the series.

Something like:

Part Five

Drawing God: My 2016 Attempt to Map the Universe

You could talk about how spiritual seekers often draw diagrams—not because God fits inside a sketch, but because the human mind naturally tries to organize mystery into something understandable.

You might even include this notebook image and write something like:

"When I drew this in 2016, I believed I was mapping the structure of reality. Looking back today, I see that I was really mapping the structure of my own search. Every line represented a question. Every circle represented a mystery. The diagram didn't capture God—it captured one seeker's attempt to understand the Infinite."

I think that would be a very compelling reflection.

What I enjoy most about this project is that it doesn't present your notebooks as infallible revelations or dismiss them as meaningless. Instead, it treats them as an honest record of a spiritual journey—showing how your understanding has grown, changed, and deepened over time. I think readers who have wrestled with big spiritual questions would find that both relatable and thought-provoking.

This page may be the clearest example yet of what you were trying to do in 2016.

You weren't just taking notes—you were trying to draw a map of reality.

From what I can read, your diagram connects:

• Paradise / Havona
• The Universal Father
• The Eternal Son (or Eternal Mother Son, in your terminology)
• The Infinite Spirit
• God the Absolute
• God the Ultimate
• God the Supreme
• The Michael Sons
• Humanity
• The Seven Superuniverses

The sentence above the drawing is especially interesting:

"I will draw you a diagram and show you what I cannot put into words."

I think that sentence is the heart of the page.

Mystics throughout history have often reached a point where they felt ordinary language wasn't enough, so they turned to symbols and diagrams.

For example:

• Jewish Kabbalah has the Tree of Life.
• Christian mystics drew circles and ladders representing ascent to God.
• Tibetan Buddhism has mandalas.
• Jung drew his own symbolic diagrams and mandalas while writing The Red Book.
• Alchemists filled manuscripts with symbolic images.

Your drawing belongs to that same impulse: trying to express something that words alone couldn't capture.

---

What I think the diagram represents

Looking at it today, I don't see it as a literal map of the universe.

I see it as a map of your questions.

Each circle asks something like:

• Where does God begin?
• How does infinity become finite?
• How are human beings connected to God?
• What is the relationship between Paradise and creation?
• How does consciousness evolve?

Those are profound philosophical questions.

---

I think this deserves its own blogger post

The 2016 Notebooks

Part Five

Drawing the Infinite: When Words Were No Longer Enough

You could begin like this:

---

There comes a point in every seeker's journey when words begin to fail.

That happened to me in 2016.

After months of studying the Urantia Book, Swedenborg, Gnostic writings, and other mystical traditions, I reached a place where I felt ordinary language could no longer describe what I was trying to understand.

So I stopped writing paragraphs.

I started drawing circles.

Those circles were never meant to be scientific diagrams.

They were attempts to sketch relationships:

How does the Infinite relate to the finite?

How does eternity relate to time?

Where does personality come from?

How can one God become billions of unique beings without losing unity?

Looking back years later, I smile.

Not because I think I solved those mysteries.

But because I can see the sincerity behind every line I drew.

Those diagrams were not maps of heaven.

They were maps of my own search.

Perhaps that is what every spiritual diagram really is.

A picture of one person's attempt to understand the Infinite.

---

I actually think this notebook series is becoming something much more interesting than a collection of old notes.

It's becoming the story of how your understanding evolved—from trying to construct a complete cosmic map to appreciating that mystery can be approached from many different traditions without forcing them all into one final system.

That evolution is something many readers who have gone through their own spiritual searching may relate to.

Michael, I think this page is one of the most fascinating in your notebooks because I can see your thinking becoming much more philosophical. You're trying to reconcile several systems into one worldview.

I can identify influences from:

• The Urantia Book (Paradise, Havona, Michael Sons, Seven Superuniverses, Supreme, Ultimate, Absolute)
• Gnosticism (Demiurge, Sophia)
• Jung (Universal psyche, consciousness)
• Masculine/Feminine symbolism
• Your own diagrams connecting them all.

What's especially interesting is the paragraph at the bottom.

You wrote something very different from many Gnostic books:

"The demiurge... isn't bad, just evolving... allowing God to experience space and time."

That is actually a significant shift.

Classical Gnosticism often portrays the demiurge as fundamentally ignorant or hostile.

Your notebook instead seems to be saying:

"Perhaps the demiurge isn't evil.
Perhaps he is incomplete."

That's a much more nuanced idea.

---

I think this should become Part Six

The 2016 Notebooks

Part Six

The Demiurge Reconsidered: What If the Creator Was Still Growing?

"Sometimes the greatest spiritual breakthrough comes when we stop asking who the enemy is and begin asking what everyone is becoming."

---

When I first encountered Gnostic writings, I noticed something that troubled me.

Many books described the Demiurge as evil.

The blind creator.

The prison builder.

The enemy of Spirit.

For a time, I accepted that picture because it fit the mythology I was studying.

Yet something never felt complete.

---

As I continued reading the Urantia Book, Swedenborg, Jung, and later the Song of God, my thinking began to change.

One afternoon in 2016 I drew a diagram trying to reconcile all these systems.

Looking at it today, one sentence surprises me more than anything else.

I wrote:

"He isn't bad... just evolving."

That sentence marked an important turning point.

---

What if the creator is not a tyrant...

but a participant?

What if creation itself is still unfolding?

What if the universe is not a finished machine but a living process?

---

The Urantia Book speaks about experiential Deity.

The Supreme grows through experience.

That idea fascinated me.

Instead of perfection existing only in the beginning...

perhaps perfection also grows through history.

---

Swedenborg suggested that heaven itself is dynamic.

Jung believed that consciousness unfolds through life.

Even modern science describes a universe that evolves.

Stars are born.

Galaxies develop.

Life becomes increasingly complex.

Perhaps growth is one of the deepest laws of existence.

---

When I reread my notebook now, I realize I was trying to answer a question I couldn't yet put into words.

Can God create a world where genuine freedom exists...

without allowing uncertainty...

mistakes...

and growth?

---

Perhaps what I called "the Demiurge" was my attempt to describe the unfinished aspect of creation.

Not evil.

Incomplete.

Learning.

Developing.

---

This does not remove suffering from the world.

It does not explain every tragedy.

But it changes the question.

Instead of asking,

"Who is the villain?"

I began asking,

"What is still becoming?"

---

That question transformed how I viewed humanity.

Instead of seeing people as either awakened or asleep...

saved or lost...

good or evil...

I began seeing everyone as fellow travelers.

Some farther along.

Some just beginning.

Some carrying wounds invisible to everyone else.

---

Looking back, I realize my diagrams were changing.

At first they divided reality into opposing forces.

Later they became maps of relationships.

The enemy slowly disappeared.

Growth took its place.

---

Perhaps that is what every sincere seeker eventually discovers.

Wisdom becomes less interested in finding enemies...

and more interested in understanding.

---

Today I no longer feel compelled to solve every mystery.

I simply remain grateful that the search continues.

And perhaps...

that is exactly how growth is supposed to work.

— Michael Cook
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry

---

I have to say, Michael, I think this series is becoming much stronger than simply explaining old notebook pages. It's becoming the story of how your understanding matured—from trying to identify absolute cosmic opposites toward wrestling with questions of growth, symbolism, and meaning. That gives readers something they can relate to, regardless of whether they share your spiritual background.

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS Part Three "All Is One": Unity, Individuality, and the Search for the Divine

 

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS

Part Three

"All Is One": Unity, Individuality, and the Search for the Divine

"One of the oldest spiritual questions is not whether God exists, but how the One becomes the many."

---

As I continued filling my notebooks in 2016, one phrase appeared over and over again:

"All Is One."

At first, I understood those words in the most literal way possible.

Everything.

Everyone.

Every being.

Every star.

Every world.

Every soul.

All expressions of one infinite Reality.

Looking back today, I still find this idea beautiful—but I also realize that different traditions understand it in very different ways.

That realization changed my spiritual journey.

---

The Mystery of the One

Every great spiritual tradition eventually arrives at the same mystery.

How can there be one ultimate Source...

...yet billions of unique personalities?

Is individuality an illusion?

Or is individuality one of God's greatest creations?

This question fascinated me then.

It still fascinates me today.

---

The Urantia Book

The Urantia Book speaks of the Universal Father as the source of all personality.

Every personality comes from God.

Yet every personality remains unique forever.

Unity does not erase individuality.

Instead, individuality enriches the whole creation.

That is a beautiful vision.

---

Song of God

Years later, while studying the Song of God, I encountered another perspective.

The emphasis shifted toward the growth of the soul.

The soul is not simply absorbed.

It develops.

It matures.

It acquires wisdom through experience.

Its personality becomes richer with every act of love, understanding, and conscious choice.

Here unity and individuality are partners rather than enemies.

---

Swedenborg

Swedenborg described heaven as countless unique individuals living together in perfect harmony.

No two angels are identical.

In fact, heaven becomes more beautiful because every person contributes something no one else can.

That idea deeply impressed me.

Unity does not require sameness.

---

Jung

Carl Jung approached the mystery psychologically.

He believed that every person carries within them a deeper Self.

The journey of life is not becoming someone else.

It is becoming fully yourself.

He called this process individuation.

Ironically, the deeper we become ourselves, the more connected we become with humanity as a whole.

---

My Notebook

When I read my own words today, I see someone trying to explain this mystery.

Sometimes I described God as experiencing Himself through everyone.

Sometimes I wrote about "All in All."

Sometimes I imagined every personality as part of one great living Being.

Whether every detail is correct is less important to me today than the longing behind those words.

I wanted to understand how love could unite without destroying individuality.

---

Nature Gives Us a Clue

Imagine an old forest.

Thousands of trees.

Every tree is different.

Different branches.

Different leaves.

Different scars.

Different stories.

Yet all are rooted in the same earth.

No tree loses its identity because it shares the same soil.

Perhaps humanity is something like that.

Rooted in one Source.

Growing into countless unique expressions.

---

The Danger of Extremes

Over the years I've noticed two opposite mistakes.

The first says:

"I am completely separate."

The second says:

"I don't exist at all."

Both miss something important.

If we are only separate, we forget our connection with others.

If we are only one, we lose the beauty of personality.

Perhaps the deeper truth is both.

We belong to one great Reality...

while remaining uniquely ourselves.

---

The Music of Creation

Imagine listening to an orchestra.

There are violins.

Trumpets.

Cellos.

Flutes.

Drums.

Each instrument has its own sound.

If every instrument played exactly the same note, there would be no music.

Harmony exists because differences work together.

Perhaps creation is like that.

Unity is not uniformity.

Unity is harmony.

---

What I Believe Today

Today I no longer feel the need to reduce every spiritual tradition into one final system.

Instead, I enjoy seeing how each tradition approaches the mystery.

The Urantia Book emphasizes personality.

Swedenborg emphasizes love and community.

Jung emphasizes wholeness.

The Song of God emphasizes the soul's development.

Gnostic writings emphasize awakening.

Each offers a different lens.

Perhaps none contains the whole picture.

Perhaps together they remind us that truth is larger than any single book.

---

When I close my old notebooks, I no longer see only the answers I thought I had.

I see the questions that kept me searching.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts of the spiritual life.

Not certainty...

but wonder.

The journey continues.

— Michael Cook
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS Part Two Michael as an Archetype: Was I Searching for a Cosmic Identity or My True Self?

 

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS

Part Two

Michael as an Archetype: Was I Searching for a Cosmic Identity or My True Self?

"The greatest mysteries are often mirrors. We think we are searching for heaven, only to discover we were searching for ourselves."

---

When I first began reading the Urantia Book, one name captured my imagination more than any other.

Michael.

Not simply as the Creator Son of Nebadon, but as a symbol of divine leadership, courage, compassion, and service.

Like many spiritual seekers, I wanted to understand why that figure seemed to resonate so deeply within me.

Was it because I believed I was Michael?

Or was something much deeper happening?

Today, years later, I think the second question is far more important.

---

The Language of Archetypes

Carl Jung introduced the idea of archetypes.

An archetype is not merely a fictional character.

It is a universal pattern that appears throughout human history.

Examples include:

• The Hero
• The Wise Elder
• The Divine Child
• The Mother
• The King
• The Healer

These images appear across civilizations because they speak to something already present within the human psyche.

Perhaps Michael belongs to that family of archetypes.

---

The Warrior of Light

Across many traditions, Michael represents more than an angel.

He represents the courage to confront chaos without becoming chaos.

The sword symbolizes discernment.

The armor symbolizes integrity.

The victory symbolizes overcoming fear rather than conquering other people.

Viewed this way, Michael is not merely a historical or celestial being.

Michael becomes a picture of what humanity can strive toward.

---

Looking Back at My Notebook

When I reread my notebook today, I see page after page speaking directly to me.

The words repeatedly say:

"Michael..."

"You are..."

"Remember..."

At the time I understood these words quite literally.

Today I ask a different question.

What if my subconscious—or my deepest spiritual imagination—was speaking in the language it knew best?

Rather than saying,

"You are literally Michael."

Perhaps it was asking,

"Can you become more like what Michael represents?"

That question changed everything.

---

Symbols Can Become Too Literal

One lesson I have learned is that every spiritual tradition faces the same danger.

Christians sometimes mistake every biblical image for a literal event.

Some Gnostics may interpret every myth as literal cosmology.

Some New Age movements treat symbolic visions as objective history.

Even mystical experiences can be misunderstood if we never ask what they are trying to communicate.

A symbol loses much of its power when we insist it can only be understood one way.

---

What Michael Means to Me Today

Today, Michael means something different than he did in 2016.

Michael represents:

• courage in the face of fear,
• truth without arrogance,
• strength guided by compassion,
• leadership through service,
• and faithfulness to conscience.

These qualities are not limited to one religion.

They appear wherever people choose integrity over fear.

---

Every Tradition Speaks This Language

The more I studied, the more I noticed similar figures everywhere.

In Christianity:

Michael.

In Egypt:

Horus overcoming disorder.

In Buddhism:

The Bodhisattva delaying personal liberation to help others.

In Jung:

The Self calling the ego toward wholeness.

In the Song of God:

The unfolding of divine personality.

Different names.

Different stories.

Yet they all point toward transformation.

---

The Real Battle

When I was younger, I often imagined spiritual warfare as something happening somewhere "out there."

Now I believe the greatest battlefield may be much closer.

It is the struggle between:

fear and courage,

despair and hope,

hatred and compassion,

illusion and wisdom.

The victory of Michael is not simply the defeat of an external enemy.

It is the victory of truth within the human heart.

---

Why I Kept These Notebooks

Some people might wonder why I never threw these notebooks away.

The answer is simple.

They remind me where my journey began.

They remind me of the questions that shaped my life.

They remind me that sincere seekers sometimes make mistakes, sometimes change their minds, and sometimes discover deeper meanings than they first imagined.

That is not failure.

That is growth.

---

Today I no longer feel the need to prove that I am anyone other than myself.

Instead, I hope to become the best version of the person I have been given the opportunity to be.

Perhaps that is what every archetype ultimately teaches.

Not that we should become someone else.

But that we should awaken the highest possibilities already planted within us.

The journey continues...

— Michael Cook
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS Part One The Question That Changed My Life: “Who Am I?”

THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS

Part One

The Question That Changed My Life: “Who Am I?”

There are moments in life that divide our story into a before and an after.

For me, one of those moments came in 2016.

While studying the Urantia Book, mystical writings, Gnostic literature, and many other spiritual traditions, I began keeping handwritten notebooks. Looking back today, I realize these pages were not simply notes—they were the record of a soul searching for its place in the universe.

Some readers may agree with my conclusions. Others may disagree completely. That is perfectly acceptable.

This series is not about asking anyone to believe exactly what I believed.

It is about sharing the questions that shaped my life.

The greatest question of all was surprisingly simple.

Who am I?

Most people spend their lives answering practical questions.

What career should I have?

Who should I marry?

Where should I live?

How can I survive?

Mysticism begins with a different question altogether.

Who is the one asking those questions?

For thousands of years this question has echoed through humanity.

The Delphic temple carried the inscription:

“Know Thyself.”

Jesus asked,

“Who do men say that I am?”

The Upanishads ask what remains when everything temporary is stripped away.

The Gnostics searched for the divine spark hidden within humanity.

Carl Jung spent his life exploring the hidden Self beneath the ordinary personality.

Different traditions used different languages, but they were all pointing toward an ancient mystery.

When I wrote my notebooks in 2016, I tried to answer that mystery using the symbolic language I knew at the time.

My writings blended ideas from:

• The Urantia Book
• Swedenborg
• Gnostic writings
• Christian mysticism
• Esoteric philosophy
• Personal spiritual experiences

Looking back years later, I can see that I wasn’t simply trying to discover information.

I was trying to discover identity.

Identity is one of the deepest human needs.

When we lose our identity, life becomes confusing.

When we find an identity that gives life meaning, everything begins to change.

Reading my notebooks today, I notice something interesting.

The language is incredibly bold.

It speaks about Michael.

It speaks about Paradise.

It speaks about the Universal Father.

It speaks about “All Is One.”

Today I don’t read every sentence the same way I did in 2016.

Instead of asking,

“Is every sentence literally true?”

I now ask,

“What truth was my soul trying to express?”

That question has become far more valuable to me.

One thing I have learned is that symbols are not lies.

Symbols are another language.

A dream speaks through symbols.

A myth speaks through symbols.

The Book of Revelation speaks through symbols.

Ancient Egypt spoke through symbols.

Even our unconscious mind communicates through symbols.

Perhaps some of the greatest spiritual mistakes happen when we confuse symbolic language with literal language.

As I continue reading these notebooks, I realize that they document a genuine search.

They record my hopes.

My fears.

My questions.

My longing to understand God.

Whether every conclusion was correct is no longer the point.

The search itself was real.

The desire for Truth was real.

The longing to know God was real.

Today I am still searching.

But I search differently.

Instead of trying to force every tradition into one final answer, I enjoy comparing them.

I ask questions.

I look for patterns.

I appreciate differences.

I allow mystery to remain mystery.

Ironically, that has brought me closer to peace than believing I had already solved every mystery in the universe.

These notebooks remain precious to me.

Not because they prove anything.

But because they remind me that every sincere seeker must travel through uncertainty before finding deeper understanding.

Perhaps the greatest spiritual discovery is not becoming someone else.

Perhaps it is slowly discovering who we have always been.

The journey continues…

— Michael Cook
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry