THE 2016 NOTEBOOKS
Part Eight
What I Believe Today: Looking Back at My 2016 Notebooks with New Eyes
"The greatest gift my old notebooks gave me was not certainty. They taught me how to continue asking better questions."
When I opened my notebooks from 2016 for the first time in years, I wasn't sure what I would find.
Would I recognize the person who wrote them?
Would I agree with every page?
Would I be embarrassed by my younger self?
The answer surprised me.
No.
I wasn't embarrassed.
I felt compassion.
Those notebooks were written by someone who desperately wanted to understand the universe.
Someone who spent countless nights reading.
Drawing diagrams.
Comparing books.
Searching for hidden meanings.
Trying to understand God.
Trying to understand himself.
That search was real.
I Don't Regret the Journey
People sometimes ask if I regret studying so many different traditions.
Not at all.
Every book gave me something.
Some gave me answers.
Some gave me questions.
Some challenged assumptions I didn't even realize I had.
Even the books I eventually disagreed with helped shape my thinking.
Sometimes discovering what you don't believe is just as important as discovering what you do.
My Understanding Has Changed
One thing has changed more than anything else.
In 2016 I wanted certainty.
Today I value wisdom.
There is a difference.
Certainty often says,
"I already know."
Wisdom quietly asks,
"What else can I learn?"
That simple shift changed the way I read every spiritual book.
I Read Symbolically More Than Literally
Perhaps the greatest change in my thinking is how I understand symbols.
Years ago I often tried to make every vision...
every dream...
every mystical experience...
fit into a literal explanation.
Today I ask a different question.
What is this symbol trying to teach me?
That question has opened doors that literal thinking never could.
Every Tradition Speaks a Different Language
The Urantia Book speaks one language.
Swedenborg speaks another.
The Song of God speaks another.
The Gnostics speak another.
Jung speaks another.
Ancient Egypt speaks another.
Different vocabulary.
Different symbols.
Different maps.
Yet many are exploring similar human questions.
Who am I?
Why am I here?
What happens after death?
What is God?
How should I live?
Those questions unite humanity far more than our answers divide us.
Humility Is Part of the Journey
Looking back, I realize something important.
The deeper I study...
the less interested I become in proving that I possess the final truth.
Instead, I have become more interested in listening.
Learning.
Comparing.
Growing.
Humility is not weakness.
It is the willingness to admit that the Infinite is always greater than our understanding.
The Notebook I Would Write Today
If I began another notebook today, it would probably look very different.
There would still be diagrams.
There would still be questions.
There would still be wonder.
But there would also be more blank pages.
Not because I have less to say...
but because I have learned to leave room for mystery.
What Never Changed
One thing has remained constant from 2016 until today.
My desire to seek Truth.
Not simply information.
Not arguments.
Not winning debates.
Truth.
A truth that produces greater compassion.
Greater wisdom.
Greater understanding.
If a belief makes me less compassionate, less humble, or less willing to love my neighbor, then I have to ask whether I have truly understood it.
A Message to Other Seekers
If you are reading this because you have shelves full of spiritual books...
if your notebooks are filled with questions...
if you've changed your mind more than once...
if you've ever felt caught between traditions...
you're not alone.
You don't have to rush to force every mystery into one final answer.
Sometimes growth comes from allowing questions to remain open while continuing to seek with sincerity.
The journey itself shapes us.
Closing the Notebook
As I close these old journals, I don't see a record of someone who had everything figured out.
I see someone who cared deeply enough to keep searching.
I see late nights filled with books, handwritten diagrams, and unanswered questions.
I see mistakes.
I see insights.
I see hope.
Most of all, I see a reminder that spiritual growth is not a destination.
It is a lifelong conversation between the heart, the mind, and the mystery we call God.
The notebooks are finished.
The journey is not.
Thank you for walking part of it with me.
— Reverend Michael Cook, D.Div.
Architect of Light
Red Bull Illuminati Ministry
Epilogue
This series was never intended to prove a doctrine.
It was written to preserve a chapter of my life and to reflect on how my understanding has evolved over time.
If these writings encourage even one person to seek truth with humility, to ask honest questions, and to treat others with compassion despite differing beliefs, then these old notebooks have found a new purpose.
The search continues.
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